Last night, I decided it past time for me to post another blog entry. I had a really good idea exactly what I was going to write about. However, as the phone rang a little before 7:00 this morning, all of that changed. Sort of. Rather, it made me want to take a bit of a different approach.
Two years ago at this moment. I can tell you exactly where I was. Sitting at home with Mike and Tyler, debating whether or not it was time to grab my bag and go to the hospital. I had been having contractions since I woke up on St. Patrick's Day morning. By the evening time, they were close enough together that I was beginning to think, "This is it." My little Nathan, at this point two years ago, was only about 13 hours from meeting him Mommy and Daddy for the very first time. Excited? Yes. Scared? A little. But I had been through these motions with Tyler only 17 months earlier, so I knew a bit about what to expect. So by 11:30p.m. on St. Patrick's Day, we were off to the hospital, and 12 hours later, close to noon on the 18th, little Nathan was born. Words can not describe how much he means to me. And to all of us. But, as with every year on each of my kids' birthdays, I tend to get a bit nostalgic and retrospective. With his second birthday coming up tomorrow, this year is no exception.
I had a horrible night's sleep last night. I had the hardest time getting to sleep. As I recall, it was close to 1:30 a.m. by the time I finally drifted off. And of course there was the neighbors' dog barking, which woke me up somewhere before 6 a.m.
(On a side note, I never have believed in these kind of things. However, the significance of these two times is a bit eerie. And I've had a few of these kind of "coincidences" over the last few years to allow me to perhaps rethink my position on that. Maybe. Ulitmately, that's another discussion for another time.)
So I was lying in bed awake a little before 7 a.m., when the phone rang. Who calls me this early? Nobody - at least if they know what's good for them. I check the caller ID - it's my parents. In my family, if someone calls before the sun comes up, the news is never good. I immediately get a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, pick up the phone, and sit down. After "Hello?" I believe my first words were "What's going on?" I won't even begin to describe all of the thoughts that flew through my head from the moment I answered the phone, to the moment I heard my dad, choked up on the line, say, "I've got bad news," to the moment he actually told me why he called. And yet, somehow, the news didn't seem any less devastating than if it had happened to someone in my own family.
The news of precious little Braden. Leaving this earth WELL before his time, at the age of 2 1/2. I can't even put in to words the amount of pain I feel for his mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, aunt, and his entire family, including the new little brother or sister that he didn't get the chance to meet. I feel very sad that I had not yet met this very special boy, who had been through so much in his short life, and had shown all of us how strong he really was. Through those close to me though, I felt as if I knew him well. And through his mom and dad's own words, as I closely followed Braden's progress over the last 2 1/2 years, amazed at how this precious little boy had fought so hard and WON, I feel as if in some small way, I have followed right alongside his family in Braden's journey through life. Which is why the news of his passing affects me so much today. If you believe in Heaven, know that there is another angel watching over us all tonight. And his name is Braden.
Which brings me back to my little Nathan. Turning two tomorrow. And my "big guy" Tyler, who is now 3 1/2. I recognize how blessed we all are to have these two, in my eyes, perfect little boys in our lives. It's times like these that I reminded even more. Life is short. We all know this. I love my two little boys more than I ever could have imagined before they were born. The thought of anything of this magnitude happening to them is too much for me to handle. I am reminded today to cherish every moment I have with them.
So tomorrow, I will grieve with Braden's family and friends, just as I did today. But tomorrow I will also celebrate. Celebrate the life of my little Nathan on his second birthday. And celebrate the fact that my two precious boys are here with me now, taking full advantage of every moment I have with them. And while I always get nostalgic on each of my boys' birthdays, this one is a very special one for me.
My thoughts are with the Petskas tonight. Please know that Braden had an impact on so many people, more than you know. We love you, and I know that Braden is looking down on you now, smiling that million-dollar smile! :)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
It has to be a miracle
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